Academic Failure?

So let's start with 2018, I knew a creative job was my go-to. I had no intention of sitting behind a laptop all day. So career paths like lawyer, accountant etc. were out of the window. Because look, most jobs require some kind of laptop work, but I just didn't want a desk job. Also reading was a hard pass.

I had few options back then, like 2018 TikTok wasn't big yet. So influencing was a YouTube myth. Would take years to become relevant. Studying it is.

In 2017 I used to watch this show about two twin brothers who'd renovate houses and help families sell their house, The Property Brothers. I fell in love with Interior Design. So instantly I decided with that. I looked for schools in the Netherlands. Found a few, but they were all numerus fixus, only select few can join the study. Usually that means you need a portfolio. I was gob smacked, because I had no such thing. I thought all studies were open to beginners. I still tried though, downloaded one of those apps. But because I had zero knowledge on how to use any of it, I lost motivation so quick. Having finals around that same time, didn't help. I just studied instead and kept looking for a different career path. 

My mother suggested to elevate my dreams and look into architecture. And so I did. Found many schools, but one in Arnhem intrigued me the most, HAN. I applied for it, praise the Lord, no portfolio needed. My expectations were met the first semester. We built a miniature beach house, We were learning about frames that semester, construction. For me to become an architect, I needed to do this study, civil engineering. Girl why did I think this was going to be easy as pie? I failed my first semester, I was among the worst group of the semester. I only loved the creative side of the study. The physics part, absolutely not. 

So after the second semester I dropped out, because in The Netherlands if you drop out before February, not only do you get some money back, you can also apply for another study without having to stop your study financing. I searched for February starting courses in the Netherlands. Found a few, I decided with Tourism Management. Imagine explaining that to everyone. "Oh, I just dropped out of civil engineering to study tourism".

I hated it, lol. Like not even one bit liked it, maybe the outings. It was problem-based learning. Like we would have meetings everyday and have researched on the problem beforehand to give our ideas and findings on the questions. Every other day we would get told that we suck at it, because we were all just saying our two cents, but not discussing the problem. I mean, that's what the school is for? For them to teach us to be assertive in the conversation and to manage the conversation as well as the business. Bro, they just gave me reasons to give up everyday. But I managed 2 semesters. 

Half way through the second semester, I knew this was not it for me. So I dropped out again, yes again. This won't be the last one either, bare with me. Like my mother had to. 

I chose for something more along the lines of my youth. I was in love with math as a kid/teen. So I went for Math Teacher. To this day, that was my favorite study. Because I was doing mathematics and just cracking my brain, an actual challenge that I enjoy. Also the first study for who I almost finished a full year. I even did an internship. But that is also where it went wrong. It was the year when corona broke out. I had too much time at home and became lazy and unmotivated to study. Especially since I wasn't understanding anything anymore. My mind just couldn't grasp anything. I even cried mid class in the bathroom of the school, before corona.  A total mess.

I also didn't actually like the teaching aspect of it. I couldn't relate to the kids when I went to my internship. I knew that, from the start, the study-checker told me, maybe teaching isn't for you. But I still went in and did the study. I just wanted to do math. But when the math was literally becoming impossible for me to understand. I gave up.

Like I would always say I can learn anything if I'm taught properly. I learn better when listening to the teacher explain and once that fails, it's game-over for me. I read the explanation in the book repeatedly for hours, looked at the answers on question. I just couldn't understand. I failed that exam, got a 5.4( what hurts is that, technically it's a pass, but in college you have to have 75% correct or you failed). I passed the semester though, my assignments saved me. But I didn't feel accomplished. 

That also showed me a lot about how students and teachers think. I was upset that I failed and they were flabbergasted by that. They see a pass as a pass, no matter the specifics. No one gives if they don't understand the course at least decently. As long as they have the study points, nothing else matters. But I don't think like that, maybe that's my problem. 

So of course, I dropped out. Shocker!! I gave you a head's up. But yes I dropped out and chose for something that requires no brain damage. Something creative and something that will give me a good future, hopefully. A baker. 

Yeah I dropped out of that too. Let's just say, Youtube is faster. The pace of the school eventually demotivated me and I decided to take a break from school as a whole and just work. 

And so I did, for two years I worked for an online supermarket, who basically doesn't exist anymore. Pro tip: Don't work for a new company that seems too good to be true, it is! But that job helped a lot in corona times, because no one else would hire you. 

As for my scholar journey now, I am currently studying online. For something I always wanted, but was too shy to even dream about. On my own pace. So far, I'm enjoying that part. Because I don't feel like I'm missing out or rushing. Something you do in school. You rush information in your head and barely learn to remember. This way I can learn everything properly and actually be proud of the career I will build. (I've also learned to not tell everyone your business, till it's ready. So I won't say what I am studying, yet) 

Moral of the story is school is not what defines you, you are. You have to stop living only for the now and live for the future. Because choosing the wrong path, just because the right path for you is too difficult or too extraordinary to choose, will only hurt you in the end. Yes, you must have perseverance and go through the tribulations. But go through it for what you really desire. We only have one life and we should take care of our future just as much as our present. Don't chase the money, chase your happiness.