5 Ways I Gain Confidence

Firstly I would like to explain what I am insecure about. Because the things that help me feel more confident are based on those insecurities.

So everything I will say, might not help you and might even give you more insecurities, because you haven't thought about it as an insecurity on yourself.

For those who struggle really bad with body image, just take it with a grain of salt.  

Let's begin.

*Lets down a scroll full of insecurities.* 

When you think of a Latina, what first comes to mind is usually a fat bum. Guess who skipped those genes? Me. And let me tell you this, I'm not the only Latina like this, but we are definitely a minority. Like it's rare, like a Pokémon. You don't often see those.

I'm what you call flat. No future behind me.

That was often a nice jab to throw at me, if you wanted to make fun of me.

Girl, I don't know why my genes thought it was the right thing to do, to have the body of my dad.

My mom is not at fault for this, my peers at school would literally have a crush on her for her curves. They would literally ask me, "bro what happened to you, how does your mom look like that and you like this?". I ask myself everyday.

I even blamed it on being birthed with a c-section, I blamed it on not having to go through a tiny hole, so my bones can be stretched out properly before coming to earth. My imagination was vivid. If you don't understand that, then I'm officially crazy.

Aside from not having at least a small sized bum, God please, I also don't have curves. I have no hips, and no waist. I'm a Minecraft character. 

I'm also insecure about my head, I feel like it's large. I have a long neck to add to it, so it just looks funny to me. With some XL cheeks on my face too. From the side I sometimes look like a chicken. 

I'm insecure about my hygiene. I have too much hormones, since young. So I can smell bad pretty fast. I used to sweat a lot and that would cause me to stink through my armpits.

At school I would have my arms closed, most of the time. Even if I'm taller than you, I would hug you with my arms down. That's how it was.

Especially since I had to wear a uniform, and repeat those uniforms? They would be stinky as ever, by the end of the year. 

Those are some of my insecurities, the ones that I could overcome somewhat. 

Tip Number 1: Step Away From The Mirror

It takes a lot of willpower to get out of a cycle. A body-shaming cycle. From others, but also from yourself.

So for me, I needed to step away from mirrors, for a while. I needed to stop feeding my insecurities with more hatred for my body. Every time I would step in front of a mirror to look at myself, I would try to turn in everyway my body could to see how others see me. I would instantly feel horrible, because I didn't like what I was seeing.

I stopped standing in front of the mirror as often, or at least no longer than needed. I started to associate the mirror as it should be, just to check if your collar is unraveled, or if your mascara is clumpy.

With tip number 4's help I eventually started loving mirror time more.

Tip Number 2: Wear Clothes That Don't Show Your Insecurity

Bare with me on this one, yes clothes should fit you and not the other way around. That was nobody's mentality yet, when I was a teenager.

But I still live by this tip, because we can't shut off our thoughts entirely, impossible. Even if you wear what you want, you will still feel insecure sometimes about it.

So if I need a day or a week, where I don't want to think about my insecurities, I just wear non-accentuating clothes. It removes the possibility for others to judge how my body looks or moves. For example, I used to wear a skirt in high-school, mostly.

It doesn't mean, hide your body. This tip is for when you want to enjoy your day fully without having to think about anything negative. It keeps you sane.

Tip Number 3: Have Faith in Your Partner or Friends

When someone says you are pretty, believe them. If someone says you don't look like your pictures, you look even better, believe them. Your mother might be tricky, they see you as perfect, don't believe them. Just joking, believe them too. If your partner is always ready, believe them(IYKYK).

I used to hate compliments, because if I don't believe it, it's not true. And that's what I had to change. I needed to listen to those who care and look at me like there is nothing more beautiful. That really helps your self-esteem, compliments from those who matter.

This is another tip inside a tip; If your inner circle, bashes you, makes fun of you with others, doesn't come up for you when around others? Those aren't your friends or your partner. Drop them immediately, I waited too long in cutting off those friendships, relationships, and just made my insecurities worse. 

Tip Number 4: Make a Spicy Gallery

You know that Snapchat "For my eyes only" folder? Filled with spicy pictures. All for myself.

They are for no one to see, but myself from time to time, to gain confidence again if I need it. I used to do this when I was single. Just do a pose and make some pictures, keep the ones you like and keep them locked up.

When I tell you, it helped me gain so much confidence, believe me. I had never felt that powerful and secure about myself. And it doesn't have to be naked, that's a bit much for me. But it can even just be videos of you feeling yourself with music. The sky is the limit here.

Remember I said I fell in love with the mirror eventually, it's because of this. I used the mirror a lot for my spicy gallery. I took what fed my insecurities and flipped it into what empowers me. Purr.

Tip Number 5: Put Yourself On a Pedestal, Stand Up for Yourself

Not only would students in school harass me about my body, I would also be harassed by my family. Like jokingly make fun of how I look. Which is harmless to them, but not me. Like hearing it at school was already enough. Having to hear it from them, was not nice. They wouldn't do it all the time, it'd be a yearly joke or period. But eventually I gained the confidence enough, for it not to affect me anymore. So I learned to laugh with them or tell them off.

Now that I am in a relationship I just use him as a shield. "If he likes it, that's all that matters. Look elsewhere." That usually ends the conversation. I know it's weird to see the one and only different person from the rest, but it's best not to point it out to them, it helps no one. You don't know if your words can be someone's 13th reason. (This is not a cry for help :D just a reference)

Put yourself on a pedestal, you are the moment, you are the scene. Romanticize yourself and your life. Even broke, live lavish. Drink your water in a wine glass. Joking, but I'm also serious. If you think you are the shizzle, you will feel like the shizzle. Just like your gut is the core of your health problems. The same goes for your mental health, it all stems from your mind. Take care of her. 

You Got This!

Those were a few tips that helped me through the years. I still struggle, but I've come to terms with how I look. I like how I look, not everyone will and that is fine. I don't live for them.

On my little whiteboard I have 3 affirmations written and one of them is "I won't let life pass me by". What I want to say with that is to not let my insecurities keep me away from living my life. If I keep sitting and doubting myself and not going to events, because the people there will judge me, I will never live to my potential.

I'm saying this right now in my PJ's in bed. That's another one, it's okay to fall back sometimes on your progress. Just don't let it get to rock-bottom. Try to always take care of yourself. If you need to rain-check, do it. Take care of your mental health, not other's perception of you.

You'll be okay. I am.